Who Am I?

Did anyone else go through a kind of existential crisis when you became a mom?

I am bewildered that it can be this way.

I am doing one of the most important jobs, but at the same time I feel like I am spinning my wheels.

I am doing so much but it feels like I am doing so little.

The day in and day out minutia of my day can be overwhelming, yet I look back at my day and can’t name what I accomplished.

And yet, when I look over the past almost 3 years, I think, wow, I have accomplished so much! I don’t know how it happened but sometime during those long, hard, boring days, I went through 23 hours of labor before finally birthing my son, I fed him from my own body until he was one, I taught him to eat baby food and then adult food, I taught him how to walk, how to talk, how to sleep in his own bed, even some potty training. I grew another baby, housed her in my body for nine months, had another 23 hour labor before she was born, and fed her from my body. I taught her to eat baby food, while keeping my toddler in his seat. I have lived on the road for over 2 years and I can pack for months in a carry on. I have adapted over and over and over again and I can sleep in any bed. I have changed so many diapers and wiped so much snot. I have read so many books, and I have gotten up so many times during so many nights. I have done so much laundry and folded so much clothes.

More than any of that, I have made a difference in two little lives. If I have done nothing else, that is enough.

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